


In Which Tony Stark Just Doesn't Get It

by Dandesun



Series: In Which Shenanigans Ensue [5]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky is Shameless, Confused Tony Stark, F/M, Friends Have Each Others Backs, Genius Comes in Many Forms, Howard Stark Tries, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sassy Steve Rogers, Sick Steve Rogers, Steve Has Principles, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:13:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8507419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandesun/pseuds/Dandesun
Summary: Tony learns to deal with Steve Rogers in all of his tiny, righteous glory. It's an on-going battle and Tony is left continuously confused by the Steve Rogers Effect. Shenanigans Ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is another tale that spans a significant period in time. It starts in the first year of college and ends well after graduation.
> 
> This is the second story that mentions Wanda's boyfriend Kurt. It's Kurt Wagner, Nightcrawler, because I'm kind of a secret shipper of their ever since Wolverine and the X-Men gave them interactions together. I regret nothing! Hank McCoy and Bobby Drake also make brief appearances and it wouldn't be surprising if other X-Men did, too, because the X-Men are my comic book crack and I love them always.

“I don’t get it,” Tony said bluntly.

 

It was an unusual situation where he was eating lunch with Bucky and Natasha. Thor, who usually hung out with them, had a tutoring session that was rescheduled at the last minute and Bruce, who Tony usually hung out with, was having a meeting with one of his professors. So Tony was eating with Natasha and Bucky where Bucky could cast longing looks in the direction of Steve Rogers.

 

Natasha raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow at him but, otherwise, didn’t react. That was par for the course and Tony was never exactly sure what to do with that. He usually didn’t have too much of a problem getting the attention of women.

 

“Don’t get what?” Bucky asked. Bucky’s actual name was James but he inexplicably went by ‘Bucky’ despite never having ridden a horse or being a cowboy at all. As far as Tony knew, he’d never even worn boots. Tony expected to learn things in college but this remained a mystery.

 

“Your fascination with Rogers,” Tony leaned a cheek on one fist. “I mean, is he even a hundred pounds?”

 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Bucky frowned. “He’s slender and slim and I could probably span his waist with my hands. That’s _hot_.”

 

“How?!”

 

“Stark’s not attracted to little slips of boys,” Natasha remarked with a smirk. “I imagine he likes them built more along your lines, James.”

 

Tony and Bucky tossed matching scowls in Natasha’s direction.

 

“Uh…” Tony held his hands up in front of his chest. “Not into dudes.”

 

“Not into _that_ dude,” Bucky jerked his thumb in Tony’s direction.

 

“Hey!” That was just insulting. “That can’t possibly be true. _Everyone_ is into me.”

 

“I sincerely doubt that,” Bucky sniffed. “Anyway, if you can’t understand the appeal in that little dreamboat over there then it stands to reason that someone wouldn’t find any appeal in you.”

 

“Some _ones_ ,” Natasha clarified, raising her hand. “I’m not into Tony, either.”

 

“That’s because you’re into that weird guy at the yoga studio,” Tony grumbled, secretly relieved because Natasha was terrifying. “Speaking of which, has anything happened there yet?”

 

Natasha leveled a stony look at Stark and folded her arms over her chest. “Not that it’s any of your business…”

 

“No,” Tony interrupted with a firm nod. “That always means no. What’s the hold up?”

 

“I’m gathering information.”

 

“You’re supposed to be gathering information for _me_ to tell me why Steve hates me,” Bucky hissed.

 

“I’m multi-tasking.”

 

“Whatever,” Tony rolled his eyes and, if he did say so himself, he could do that with the best of them. “So enlighten me on Rogers because you’re obsessively into him and I don’t get it at all.”

 

“It’s not for you to get,” Bucky replied loftily. “Why would you get the concept of me wanting to run my hands all down that sweet, slim body? Why would you get that it looks like every ounce of fat on that little dream seems to be concentrated in his ass? Have you noticed that? He’s got an _ass_ and the skinny jeans show it off. I bet it looks like a peach. I want to bite it and then do lots of other things to it, too.”

 

“Does he always go into this much detail?” Tony asked Natasha.

 

“This is nothing,” she smiled sweetly. “He’s just warming up. Also, when he gets drunk it gets even more wildly graphic. I feel like I know James’ preferences very well at this point because he’s talked about this so much that I’m understanding which ones are his actual kinks and which are just talk because he likes to scandalize people.”

 

“How dare you,” Bucky muttered around a mouthful of sandwich. He took his phone out to double-check his schedule and studiously ignored his lunchmates.

 

Natasha leaned over to Tony. “Watch this.” She straightened up and cleared her throat delicately. “You know…”

 

Bucky’s eyes shifted to Natasha and then narrowed. He could obviously tell she was up to something.

 

“Clint told me that young Master Rogers over there is taking yoga with him.” Natasha leaned one elbow on the table. “I wonder how flexible he will soon become under Clint’s tutelage.”

 

The first thing that Tony had noticed was the involuntary shiver that went up Barnes’ spine when Natasha had referred to Steve as ‘Master Rogers’ which told Tony more than he wanted to know, really. The other thing was Bucky’s eyes glazing over at the thought of a flexible Steve Rogers.

 

“Is any of that true or did you just say that to fuck with him?” Tony inquired.

 

“It’s true,” Natasha nodded. “But I shared it to fuck with him.”

 

Tony looked over to the table where Steve was sitting with his friends. All he saw was a shrimp who wore weird clothes. He didn’t get Barnes’ fascination at all.

 

==========================

 

Tony didn’t know what the misunderstanding was about in the first place. He didn’t really care. He heard about Halloween, a fight, something about Jane and something else about Rumlow but he ignored the details because… they just didn’t interest him at all. But the misunderstanding got cleared up and, suddenly, meals got a lot more crowded.

 

It wasn’t bad, actually. Jane Foster was rather brilliant and Tony liked it when he sat with her and Bruce to talk about various things. Sometimes, Hank McCoy would join them as well. Usually that meant Hank’s friend Bobby would join them but he tended to gravitate towards the others. Bobby wasn’t an art major but he took a lot of classes (apparently he was a pretty fair sculptor) and he and Steve had had a tryst at one point (Tony didn’t get that either) but they were totally comfortable around each other.

 

Barnes liked partaking in conversation with Tony, Jane and Bruce but there were times they were just beyond him. Tony didn’t hold it against him. Barnes was actually pretty damn smart and had good things to say more often than not but he wasn’t a genius. He was fine with that so Tony was, too. Besides, Bucky liked chatting with the rest of the group just as much.

 

For all that Bucky had talked about getting down and dirty with Rogers, it didn’t seem to come across in their interactions. If Tony didn’t know better, he’d swear they were just bros. They jostled and punched each other, Bucky called Steve a punk and Steve called Bucky a jerk, they teased each other mercilessly… but they were tight. Tight in a way that was shocking in how quickly it happened.

 

Tony was still pretty certain that Barnes was head over heels in lust with Rogers the way he had been for almost as long as Tony had known him. Rogers was harder to read but sometimes Tony thought… maybe…

 

Bucky slung his arm over Steve’s shoulders all the time, knocking their bodies together so he could ruffle Steve’s hair. Steve usually slugged Barnes in the stomach but never hard or with any malice to it. Tony noticed that, though… they touched each other a lot. More than anyone else in their group except maybe for Steve and Jane who were also very close. They held hands and climbed on each other’s backs and leaned against one another a lot. Tony thought maybe they were a thing but, no. They were just really close and comfortable with each other.

 

Steve didn’t really like people pawing at him for the most part. He was small and people tended to think that made him cuddly for some reason. Tony couldn’t think of a person less cuddly than Steve… except when he let Jane or Bucky cuddle him. Sometimes, he would allow the others to be huggy and demonstrative at him but it was rare. (Steve did allow Thor to hug him when Thor was drunk because, somehow, Thor was always able to pop Steve’s back with his ridiculous bear hugs and Steve said it was one of the best things ever.)

 

Barnes and Rogers were close and comfortable too but there was something else there. There was a spark… Tony could see it. He was pretty sure everyone could because, sometimes, when Barnes and Rogers were just grinning at each other like a couple of complete dorks, the rest of the group would exchange knowing glances and secret smiles.

 

Still, nothing happened.

 

And then Steve went to France for a semester.

 

Good God…

 

Tony had to watch his new friends figure out how to deal with no Steve and it was shocking. Tony didn’t get it at all… how had Steve managed to be the living, beating heart of their crew?

 

“I miss his fucking lectures,” Tony told Rhodey during one of their regular talks. Rhodey was at MIT but Tony had managed to come up with a projection system that made it seem like they were in the same room. He was immensely proud of it and had been tinkering with it since he arrived at Kirby and Lee. They were working together to set up some sort of cross-college projection party at some point. “Why do I miss his fucking lectures?”

 

“I don’t know, man,” Rhodey grinned. “Seems like you like the guy.”

 

Tony made a dismissive noise.

 

“That drives you crazy, doesn’t it?” Rhodey laughed. “You get it when you like people who are into the same things you are… science, engineering, all that noise. But now you’ve got this little artist dude who argues things like ethics and morality and he clearly does it well because he makes you think.”

 

Tony pointed at his friend. “That’s it. That’s what it is! He makes me _think_.”

 

“You _like_ people who make you think,” Rhodey nodded, his grin even wider. “Even if they make you think about things like ethics. It’s good for you.”

 

“Ugh,” Tony snorted. “Rogers is my friend equivalent to healthy eating and exercise? No wonder he’s so annoying.”

 

“Well, at least now you know,” Rhodey laughed. “I’m sure you’ll be especially odious to him when he gets back to make up for this personal realization.”

 

“If he comes back with a beret, I’m setting it on fire in front of him.” Tony groused. “Then he’ll lecture me about fire safety, probably.”

 

“Your two favorite things!” Rhodey exclaimed. “Setting things on fire and lectures from Rogers!”

 

“No,” Tony was firm. “Just because I miss the hipster twerp and his stupid scarves -- of which he has more than me, I must point out--”

 

“Again.”

 

“And his stupid lectures and the way the group just fits better with him doesn’t mean his lectures are my favorite thing. He just…”

 

“He challenges you,” Rhodey nodded sagely. “You’re a ridiculously smart guy, Tony. Most people bore you. He challenges you.” He paused. “Sure you don’t have a bit of a crush on the guy?”

 

“I don’t,” Tony was certain. “He’s neither macho enough to appeal to me as a dude, nor delicate enough to appeal to me from a more feminine aspect. His clothes are ridiculous. I’m fairly certain he buys everything at thrift stores. He is, without a doubt, the worst dancer I’ve ever seen. All of those are full on boner killers. Plus, the lecturing. Can’t. Won’t.”

 

Rhodey laugh. “Not like you’ve thought about it.”

 

“The way Barnes goes on and on about him, I think it would be weird if I didn’t consider it. I mean, before I knew Steve personally the most information I had about the guy was Barnes’ various fantasies about him… which were colorful and varied,” Tony grinned. “But I will admit that I’ve considered flirting just to see what Barnes would do…”

 

“Have you now?”

 

“Yeah,” Tony snickered. “I’m a dick like that. Oh, my friend likes this person? I think I’ll swoop in and charm said person first.”

 

“Hm. Yeah.” Rhodey fixed him with a dry look.

 

“I’m trying to be better,” Tony whined. “And anyway, as much fun as it is to tweak Barnes about it… there’s a part of me that thinks he might _actually_ kill me. And Natasha would cover it up. Or maybe she’d be the one to kill me. The point is, no hipster twerp that I’m not even sexually attracted to is worth my life.”

 

“Wow. It’s like you’re growing right before my eyes.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“There it is.”

 

======================================

 

Tony was in California with his parents when Steve came back to the States. He got a lot of texts and Snapchats from those who gathered to welcome him home. Jane, Darcy, Wanda, Natasha, Thor, Sam and Bucky had been there en masse to greet Steve at the airport with his mother.

 

He got a lot more from the party they had where Steve apparently crashed pretty early due to the long flight. Darcy sent him a Snapchat of Steve and Bucky sacked out on the sofa together all tangled up in each other. 

“Aren’t they just the cutest? Shall we place bets on when it finally happens?”

 

Tony laughed. He laughed even harder at the Snap Jane sent him of the group sitting around drinking out of plastic cups surrounded by a forest of two liter sodas. “This is what happens when we don’t let Tony plan the party.”

 

What a group of idiots he had found himself in. How the hell had that happened?

 

Damn but he missed them.

 

======================================

 

Tony blinked in confusion as he watched Bucky’s brain fritz out repeatedly while Steve told the weirdest story about reading erotica in an old folk’s home.

 

He didn’t get it.

 

This was probably the least sexy story he’d ever heard but there was Barnes practically coming in his pants over it.

 

Tony leaned over to Wanda. “This is happening, isn’t it?” It was more of a statement than a question.

 

“Oh yes,” she nodded.

 

“Well, on the upside, they’ll be more tolerable now that the sexual tension has a place to go, right?”

 

“I’ll take that bet.”

 

“You’re on.”

 

“Let’s make it even more interesting.”

 

======================================

 

Some lessons were harder to learn than others.

 

Bucky and Steve in the throes of their passionate love affair were somehow even more insufferable than when they were bros who touched a lot and then grinned stupidly at each other. Now, they punched each other and then exuberantly made out. They grinned stupidly at each other and then fellatiated (was that even a word? Tony was pretty sure it should be) beer bottles at each other as foreplay. Sam had seen Bucky naked more times than anyone not named Steve and demanded drinks to help deal with the mental carnage. (Bucky would usually buy him the first drink and then say ‘I don’t know why you’re so traumatized, I look amazing. I look amazing, don’t I, Stevie?’ And Steve would agree. ‘Amazing, Buck. You make my mouth water.’ And Bucky would then look extremely proud of himself and he and Steve would start eye-fucking and it would progress from there.)

 

Every time Tony lamented at how their being so into each other was annoying, Wanda held out her hand to demand payment. Wanda, he was certain, was some sort of witchy medium type person despite science not backing him up. She had predicted that Steve and Bucky would be even more ridiculous once they got together and her idea of making their bet ‘more interesting’ was to challenge Tony to not comment on it more than five times. If he exceeded that, he owed her twenty bucks.

 

At this rate, Tony was pretty sure she was saving up to take her boyfriend Kurt to a bed and breakfast in Vermont for a romantic weekend.

 

======================================

 

Third year, Tony moved off campus to a sizeable apartment that he shared with Bruce and Bucky. That meant he got the Lovebirds up close and personal… except for the times Bucky went to Steve’s.

 

There were a whole lot of things Tony suddenly got a look at that he didn’t get.

 

Bucky’s cheerful acceptance of everything that was Steve was one of those things. Everything about Steve delighted Bucky. Steve was officially _interesting_ to Tony but not necessarily _delightful_. Well, the beef stew that he made was.

 

“It’s my ma’s recipe.”

 

“Your ma’s amazing.”

 

“That she is.”

 

Steve didn’t fit into any category Tony’s mind wanted him to fit into. He’d come home and find Steve making dinner wearing nothing but one of Bucky’s shirts, a pair of boxer briefs and thick slouchy socks. It was something a girlfriend might wear, hell it was something Tony had woken up to a few times in his life but there just wasn’t anything particularly girlfriend-y about Steve. He was a dude wearing another dude’s shirt that was too big for him.

 

It was the socks that really threw Tony for a loop. He really wasn’t sure why.

 

“What’s with the socks?” He asked Bucky one time.

 

“His feet get cold,” Bucky shrugged.

 

Bucky probably thought it was adorable.

 

And then there would be the times Bucky wandered about wearing nothing but his underwear with marks all over his body.

 

Tony didn’t get that at all… what’s more, he didn’t like it.

 

“Is he… _hitting_ you?” Tony was trying to be a good friend. He really was. He didn’t want to see his friends getting hurt.

 

“Hit might be a strong word,” Bucky mused, looking at some of the marks on his stomach. “But a couple of these were pretty good…”

 

“Barnes.”

 

“Tony, relax, this is consensual. I bought the riding crop. I gave it to him. I told him what I wanted.”

 

“Riding crop?”

 

Bucky looked smug. “I’m his wild stallion of love. And I need to be tamed.” He caught a look at Tony’s horrified face. “Hey, hey… this is my kink, all right? I like it when my little Stevie-doll dominates me sometimes. He wasn’t so sure about it at first but he’s got a lot of aggression and it’s a huge fucking turn on for me.” Bucky put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, squeezing it. “Steve doesn’t hurt me… I mean… this is something I want and he does that for me. And then he takes care of me afterwards. It’s all good.”

 

Tony remained unsure.

 

“Tony,” Bucky was firm. “I _like_ this. I’ve got a guy who gets it and who I feel comfortable enough with to share this part of me with. It’s just a thing I’m into… and it’s not even every time, not even close. Sometimes, I get really into my own head and this helps me out. Pain and pleasure… focusing on that… it gets me out of my head and my dark places. And like I said, Steve takes real good care of me after. Swear to God, it’s so amazing how tender he is.”

 

“I just… I guess I just don’t get it.”

 

“That’s okay,” Bucky smiled. “It’s not for you to get. But, you know, it’s real nice that you were worried and asked me about it. A lot of people wouldn’t.”

 

“I can’t believe that,” Tony said darkly. “You see a friend getting hurt, you say something.”

 

Bucky’s smile was bright. “Steve would say the same thing, you know.”

 

“Are you saying I’m like him?” Tony narrowed his eyes at Bucky. “Are you _flirting_ with me, Barnes?”

 

He got a snort in response. “Not hardly. No one’s going to tempt me away from my baby. I’m just saying, you and Steve… you both give a gigantic damn about your friends. That’s cool.”

 

“I still think you’re flirting with me.”

 

“Of course you do,” Bucky laughed. “Sorry, Tony, your ass is nothing compared to Steve’s. Don’t say you haven’t noticed it.”

 

Tony rolled his eyes.

 

“By the way,” Bucky continued gleefully. “It _is_ like a peach and I _have_ bitten it… several times. But, even better, is when I get my _tongue_ in there…”

 

“All right, all right,” Tony surrendered. “Enough.”

 

======================================

 

Bruce handed him some coffee. He and Darcy had gone on a coffee run across the street where it was much better than what they served in the actual hospital. Tony smiled wearily and looked around the waiting room where his friends were all gathered.

 

Jane was leaning heavily on Thor’s shoulders, finally getting some rest. Wanda was tucked under Kurt’s arm. Natasha was sitting with Clint. Darcy and Sam were talking quietly to one of the nurses.

 

“I don’t get it,” Tony whispered to Bruce. “How did we not know he was so sick?”

 

Bruce put an arm around Tony’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze. “It’s no one’s fault, Tony. Everyone gets wrapped up in the projects and, you know Steve… he’s horrible at asking for help.”

 

“We’re his _friends_ ,” Tony said grimly. “If not us then who?”

 

Bruce shrugged. “You know how it is, Tony. When you’re used to doing things a certain way, it’s hard to break out of that habit.”

 

Tony knew that. Steve was good at challenging him and the way he thought, he figured it was time to return to favor… to make sure Steve knew he had people who gave a crap about him and didn’t mind if he asked for their help.

 

“You did a good thing, Tony,” Bruce continued. “Getting his mother up here as fast as you did. That was a _real_ good thing.”

 

“It was the only thing I could think of when Jane said that they’d called her.”

 

“It was a _good_ thing,” Bruce repeated.

 

Tony’s eyes caught sight of his father striding through the hallway their waiting room was attached to. “Dad?” He stood up to follow and noticed that his father’s personal physician was there along with another doctor he didn’t recognize.

 

Howard nodded to Tony and gestured at him to wait.

 

It was probably about twenty minutes before Bucky came wandering into the waiting area, eyes puffy, face red and looking as if he wasn’t quite all there.

 

“James?” Natasha’s voice was soft.

 

“He’s awake,” Bucky announced, his voice watery.

 

“How is he?” Jane asked.

 

“Loopy as fuck,” Bucky choked out a harsh laugh. “But he’s aware. Saw me, saw Sarah… still sounds like shit, though. But, Jesus, Tony… your Dad came in with two doctors and they kind of took Sarah aside and… I guess they’re taking his case or whatever? How’d _that_ happen?”

 

Tony shrugged. “I guess when I called Dad to ask him to get Sarah here he decided to call them in, too? I’m a little in the dark about it right now.”

 

“Son?”

 

Tony stiffened because he was so wrapped up in Steve’s condition he hadn’t noticed his father returning. He went immediately, though, because he needed to know. He needed to know what was going on.

 

Howard explained things. He assured Tony that Sarah’s job at the hospital in Brooklyn was in no danger for her sudden departure to come up-state to where Steve was. He also explained about bringing in the doctors and even mentioned the argument he had had with Sarah about paying for it all.

 

Tony smiled in spite of himself. “She didn’t want you to pay for it?”

 

“She did not.”

 

“So that’s where Steve gets it,” Tony sighed. “Why did you do all this, Dad?”

 

“Because when you called me you were scared,” Howard said softly. “And I may not be… I don’t always show it the way I should… but… you’re my son and when my son is scared the only thing I care about is fixing it.”

 

Tony wanted to bawl so, instead, he shuffled his feet and stared at the floor until the stinging in his eyes became manageable.

 

“You’ve got a great group of friends here, Tony,” Howard clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so happy to see that. They care about you and you care about them. So I care about them, too.”

 

Tony decided to call it the Steve Rogers Effect. He still didn’t get it but giving it a name helped.

 

Steve had a bad case of pneumonia but he did recover and Howard was true to his word about paying for it all. 

 

Bucky and Steve were even more ridiculous afterwards. Apparently, once Steve had stopped being so loopy on whatever drugs they had him on to clear up his chest, he told Bucky he loved him. Bucky was over the moon… even more than usual.

 

Steve was awkward for a bit. It was probably a combination of things, getting that sick and his friends finding him unconscious and getting him to the hospital, all the stuff with Tony getting Sarah up-state so quickly and then Tony’s father bringing in some big deal doctors to look after Steve and get him on his feet again and then paying for all of it. It hit all of Steve’s buttons and he was cranky and snippy at Tony but then immediately apologetic because you just didn’t act that way to someone who had gone so far above and beyond.

 

Tony just wanted things to be normal again. He didn’t like it when Steve was this awkward. It made Tony awkward, too. Tony hated that.

 

Tony was complaining about a girl he was seeing. She was on her period and Tony just had to vent about her moods and everything about it all; how inconvenient it was for him. Steve, leaning against Bucky on the other side of the couch, ever present sketchbook in hand, commented quietly without even looking up.

 

“You ever consider just being _nice_ to her?”

 

Tony scowled. “What?”

 

At which point Steve launched into a whole explanation, in detail a bit more graphic than Tony would have liked, about what the menstrual cycle did and how it affected each woman differently and, hey, how about cutting them some god-damned slack for once and not treat it like a joke and an inconvenience.

 

The ever present Steve Rogers Lecture. Like Tony was even remotely interested. He rolled his eyes. “You got a uterus, too, Rogers? You seem to know an awful lot about them.”

 

“No, fuckstick, my Mom’s a nurse. Duh.”

 

It came out so casually. There was a pause and then a weird squelching wheeze came out of Tony as he dissolved into laughter. “Fuckin’ finally,” he gasped. “You’re back to normal! Just calling me out and not getting all weird about it after.”

 

“He throws a wrench at me when I call him a fuckstick,” Bruce laughed.

 

“Yeah, well, it sounds cuter coming out of Half-Pint there,” Tony grinned.

 

“Half-Pint?!” Steve kicked him. It was impressive that Steve could dig the heel in, even with his stupid scrunchie socks, and give him a dead leg so efficiently.

 

“Agh! You delicate fucking flower! That’s gonna bruise!”

 

Steve threw a pillow at him which only skidded over the top of his head because he was laughing so hard.

 

It was nice to have things back to normal.

 

Tony reminded himself of that when Bucky started getting handsy on the couch. He reminded himself of that _a lot_ when Bucky dragged Steve off to his room and the thumping started.

 

“If I invented a headboard that didn’t thump against the wall, I’d make a mint,” Tony groaned.

 

“The thumping is part of the fun,” Bruce pointed out. “And you act like you aren’t responsible for more than your share of thumping.”

 

“Bruce,” Tony sighed. “That is _so_ not the point.”

 

======================================

 

“I don’t get it.”

 

He could see Steve duck his head to smother a laugh out of the corner of his eye.

 

The student art show was a big deal and Steve had been working his tail off. (Bucky would happily report that Steve’s tail had not, in fact, been affected at all. It was still as pert and delicious as always.) Of course, the whole crew had come out to see Steve’s work on display.

 

Steve had been working in abstract lately so the painting, which was bigger than Steve, was just colors and brushstrokes. Tony frowned at it.

 

“It’s not about getting it, Tony,” Steve told him with a soft smile. “Just… feel.”

 

“What?”

Steve pressed a fist over his heart. “ _Feel_ ,” he repeated and walked away.

 

Tony closed his eyes, took a deep breath and looked at the painting.

 

======================================

 

“I don’t know what happened,” Tony told Rhodey breathlessly. “I looked at this painting and I felt… things.”

 

“Things?”

 

“Like an overwhelming tidal wave of emotion. I had to get out of there. I went home and cried for like… half and hour. Then I called my Mom to tell her I love her.”

 

“That’s an awful lot of emotion, Tony.”

 

“It was just colors, man! This fucking Steve Rogers Effect… what even _is_ it?”

 

“Whatever it is, it’s fascinating,” Rhodey said thoughtfully. “You’re so off-kilter when you focus on it. When you don’t… it’s even more interesting. You think things through in a way you didn’t use to before.”

 

“Oh, fuck my life… are you telling me Steve Rogers is my conscience?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“No. No, that cannot be. I have heard that man having sex, loudly, with my roommate and I am happy to say that I cannot tell which one is giving it to the other based on the sounds because I have purposely not dug that deep.”

 

“You’re making it weird, Tony.”

 

“My point,” Tony said fiercely, “is that a guy I’ve heard having sex has no business being my conscience!”

 

“Well,” Rhodey shrugged. “Isn’t it better than a guy who’s never had sex trying to tell you how to be?”

 

“I suppose that depends on what this person is trying to tell me.”

 

Rhodey laughed. “Good point. But, really, what’s the problem here? It seems like Steve made something that really got to you… that’s a good thing. He’s an artist, he’d probably be really touched that his work made you cry and call your Mom.”

 

“I don’t know if I can deal with a touched Steve Rogers. I like it better when he calls me a fuckstick and questions my morals.”

 

“Well, you never did do well with the touchy-feely emotional stuff.”

 

“It makes me feel itchy.”

 

Rhodey knew better but he indulged his friend. “Maybe you’re maturing.”

 

“Ugh. Stop. Why?”

 

Rhodey just laughed. “You’re allowed to be vulnerable, Tony.”

 

“Steve is vulnerable. He’s this tiny little nothing of a guy who walks around like he’s six foot two and he’s always jumping into the fray to protect others. He gets sick all the time, he buys his clothes at thrift stores because he’s fucking poor as a damned churchmouse… not that he’d like the comparison because he has huge issues with the Church but that’s fairly normal for people who were raised Catholic…”

 

“You’re rambling, Tony.”

 

“And Jane’s similar… there they are… two tiny little hobbits… two fairies straight from some enchanted glen somewhere… and Jane looks to the stars and Steve looks to the soul and they both managed to find the two biggest, toughest guys around and turn them into complete mush. Thor is ridiculous over Jane and Barnes is even worse over Steve. Have you seen Barnes lately? He’s built like a fucking tank and woe upon anyone who decides to punch Steve rather than argue with him because Bucky will take them apart.”

 

“Seriously, Tony, you’re _rambling_.”

 

“And Steve’s always like ‘I had ‘em on the ropes’ because he’s absolutely ludicrous with the things that come out of his mouth sometimes… but then… Bucky never has to ask for a damn thing when Steve’s around. Steve always seems to know what he needs and he makes it or does it without even making a big deal out of it. Barnes keeps jerks from beating the shit out of Steve and Steve takes care of Barnes and they’re just stupidly in love and always have been and they’ll probably get married on top of a mountain… except that I’ll have to airlift Steve there because he can’t walk up on his own…” Tony sighed.

 

“And he makes you feel vulnerable because he makes you feel and think about things you don’t normally feel and think about,” Rhodey finished.

 

Tony sighed. “You’re a good friend, Rhodey.”

 

“So are you, Tony. You know what I like? I like that you have more friends than just me… and they can see how good a friend you are.”

 

“Did you see the painting, too? Because that’s the only thing that would explain this emotional weirdness going on.”

 

Rhodey laughed. “I haven’t seen the painting… but I want to. Anything that has this much of an effect on you I’m going to be curious about.”

 

“Maybe I’ll buy it. Steve would hate that.”

 

======================================

 

“So, your Dad bought my painting,” Steve told Tony a few days later.

 

“What?” Tony narrowed his eyes. “Was he even there?”

 

“No, but my professor called me in for a meeting and the Dean of the Arts Department and the Head of the University were there and told me about it,” Steve shrugged. “Your Dad dropping money on my piece had them in a bit of a tither.”

 

“A tither? Seriously, Steve, are you a time traveler from 1880? Who fucking talks like that?”

 

“Oh. So sorry. Um… calm your tits, homes. Is that better?”

 

“Oh my God.”

 

“They had your Dad on the phone and he told me that you called your Mom and kept talking about it.”

 

“This is so embarrassing.”

 

“So your Dad decided that anything that got you that worked up needed to be in the family manor or whatever so he called the university and bought it.” Steve laughed wryly. “It was all very surreal.”

 

“Your face is surreal,” Tony groused.

 

Steve laughed some more but then sobered up. “Seriously, Tony, I’m glad that my work moved you at all.”

 

“Are we going to talk about feelings now?”

 

“Little bit.”

 

Tony sighed. “God. Whatever. Fine. Say your peace.”

 

“That’s dangerous…” Steve grinned. “Tony, you’re going to change the world. We all know it.”

 

Tony swallowed audibly. When Steve got to the point, he got to it. He didn’t beat around the bush, that was for sure.

 

“I knew it the moment I met you. Why do you think I bust your balls so much?”

 

“Because you’re an annoying little twit.”

 

Steve raised an eyebrow knowingly. “To make you think.”

 

“Because you’re an annoying little twit.”

 

Steve just looked at him expectantly.

 

Tony sighed. “But you do make me think and people have noticed and it’s entirely possible that I’ve grown some as a human being because of you and and your morals and your stupid scarves--”

 

“My scarves aren’t stupid, they’re made with love and affection.”

 

“--and your scrunchy socks and you can probably get me to stop and think about anything if you withhold your Ma’s beef stew.”

 

“Good to know.” Steve punched him in the arm.

 

“Ah, man, don’t do that… I know what comes after the punching with you and Barnes.”

 

“That was a bro punch, Tony. Not a ‘you are so fucking hot I want to climb you like a tree and ride your cock into the sunset’ punch.”

 

Tony scowled at Steve who was the picture of angelic innocence. “You’re a menace.”

 

“So are you, Tony.”

 

“You’re also kind of a genius.”

 

“So are you, Tony.”

 

“Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth.”

 

“Well, good luck with that because Bucky will skin you alive and then tan your hide and use the leather to bind all my sketchbooks.”

 

“That’s very detailed, Steve.”

 

“Bucky’s got a hell of an imagination.”

 

“Sure that’s not your idea?”

 

“Me?” The innocent look was back. “I would never.”

 

“I’m going to open an art gallery and you don’t get to have any of your paintings in there unless you fucking _earn_ it,” Tony threatened.

 

“I would expect nothing less, Tony,” Steve said serenely. “But I’ll earn it.”

 

======================================

 

Steve did earn it a year after graduation. And smiled smugly at Tony as his works were being hung in the gallery. He was standing there the first time Tony laid eyes on Pepper Potts and, miraculously, was even more smug when Tony stumbled over his entire interaction with her.

 

Pepper was not particularly impressed with Tony upon first meeting but she instantly adored Steve.

 

And it was because of Steve that Pepper had patience with Tony until Tony got his feet under him and was able to start being himself. That was at Steve’s fourth show.

 

“With the rich and mighty always a little patience,” Steve told her.

 

“Your scarves are stupid,” Tony sniffed.

 

“He’s jealous of my scarves,” Steve told her.

 

“They’re very nice scarves,” Pepper nodded. “I can understand.”

 

Tony rolled his eyes and went over to one of Steve’s paintings. It was another abstract and it was another where the colors and the shapes seemed to wash over him… envelop him… embrace him. He noticed Pepper standing next to him, watching him and then he noticed a tear streaking down his cheek. He wiped it away hastily. “He does this to me… Steve does.”

 

“Does what?”

 

“Makes me… vulnerable.”

 

Her smile was gentle. “It’s nice to see that side of you. I had a feeling it was there.”

 

Tony smiled back at her. That Steve Rogers Effect… he still didn’t get it but it was hard to argue against it.

 

Steve was on the other side of the gallery when Bucky came in to check things out. “Hey Stevie-doll, what’s the story?”

 

Steve jerked his head towards Tony and Pepper.

 

Bucky looked amazed. “No shit. Progress?”

 

“Looks like,” Steve grinned. “I think she finally got proof that Tony has a heart.”

 

“Hey Half-Pint!” Tony called from across the gallery. “I’m buying your painting! And Pepper and I are going to get some ice cream. You and your stallion want to come? You can if you promise to keep it in your pants!”

 

“But he’s also still a complete fuckstick.”


End file.
